Readers of this paper will be aware of the firestorm surrounding the Domestic Abuse Act’s recent amendment that was sp ecifically crafted to help agunot — and the full-throated objection of the rabbinic courts.
The Federation Beth Din warned that if an aguna used the law without its express permission, it would result in the court being “unable” to issue a get.
In their letters, the Federation and London Batei Din claim to do their utmost to help women awaiting their freedom. Yet a recent JC report catalogued the despair and even suicidal thoughts of multiple women, and one man, who felt disregarded.
Perhaps this is not shocking, given that Rav Zimmerman of the Federation recently appeared on a podcast in which he called the JC a “tabloid newspaper that is anti-religious”. It seems they feel justified in dismissing the women and man who turned to the JC to have their stories told.
Having personally heard from women who have been through these Batei Din and who speak of being extorted for huge sums of money — giving up homes and even custody of their children in exchange for freedom — I can assure readers that their testimonies are not lies. Women have been left waiting decades for a get, even as their husbands have remarried and started second families.
Let’s be clear. The only reason this law was enacted is that the Batei Din do not use the power they already have to order men to give a get. Nor do they use their full abilities to enact communal pressure. Zimmerman claimed that refusers are split evenly down the gender line, even stating the well-refuted Israeli rabbinate claim that more women refuse than men. What he does not acknowledge is that for a person to be considered a refuser, the Beth Din must declare them one. Meaning that a woman can be waiting years, but if the Beth Din doesn’t order the man to give the get, she is not considered an aguna and he is not considered a refuser.
This matters — and is exactly why the UK Parliament needed to step in to save Jewish women.
The Batei Din claim that the law would make a get coerced, and thus invalid. But the law can’t force a get. At most, it can exact a price for making another person suffer. The concept of exacting a price for get refusal is not new, nor is it against halacha (as acknowledged in the Batei Din’s letter). When the community was smaller, excommunication, refusal of honours, shaming and even violence were used to persuade a get refuser to free his wife.
Today there are virtually no consequences. Men can move communities, remarry civilly and build new families, all while chaining their first wives. And this still this depends on the courts doing their job and calling a refuser a refuser. When they don’t, a man holds full standing in his community, regardless of his actions towards his wife. A woman cannot move on, lest she be labelled an adultress and her children illegitimate. Across the Jewish world, thousands of women are trapped in non-existent marriages, their freedom curtailed and their child bearing years passing them by.
This law has the potential to change reality for women in the UK. It could make get refusal painful, forcing the abuser to reconsider whether he wants to continue at all costs.
At the end of the day, nothing can deter someone who truly wants to cause someone else to suffer. Proof of this is the men in Israel who have been in jail for decades, choosing incarceration over obeying the Beth Din’s order to free their wives.
A get given because a man chooses what price he does or does not want to pay is not a “coerced” get. It is a valid and reasoned choice. People deserve the ability to prosecute their abusers. Removing that from them is a shocking violation of their civil — and religious — rights.
The communal upheaval over their position has shown the Batei Din that the community does not see them as allies, but rather as impediments to achieving justice and freeing Jewish women.
This is a tipping-point moment for the British Batei Din. They can choose to work with parliamentarians and advocates to be on the side of justice, or they can continue to be on the side of abusers.
Statements promising efforts to work together are not enough.
It is time to listen to experts and the women who are affected. It is time to act with humility and for justice. No longer must we stand by while our sisters’ blood is spilt.
Originally published in The Jewish Chronicle
Three women made headlines in the past week. Each was abused by her husband. One is dead. One nearly died. And the other is still chained to her abuser 30 years after she left him.
Diana Raz, z’l was shot dead in front of her children by her husband. She was 32 years old.
Shira Isakov was 31 when her husband stabbed and beat her nearly to death in front of her toddler.
Sarah (not her real name) was 30 when she left her husband after 10 years of abuse. She is now 60 and still waits for her freedom.
These women have been failed by the State of Israel twice. First, because the country never implemented the approved plan to fight domestic abuse. Second, because the state rabbinic courts not only sanction abuse, but participate in it.
In 2017, a NIS 250 million plan was approved to fight rising domestic abuse in Israel. This included increased social workers, anti-violence programs, additional police units to investigate abuse and more.
By the time the coronavirus pandemic hit in 2020, only NIS 50 million had been allocated. The pandemic and its accompanying lockdowns brought health concerns and economic woes, leading to a period of intense stress. As in the rest of the world,domestic violence increased in Israel, with a 30% rise in calls to hotlines across the country and overbooked women’s shelters.
Fay Sukenik of Ba’asher Telchi, which supports Haredi women through the divorce, process reports a 75% increase in calls seeking assistance this year – most due to incidents of violence. “Many women have lost their jobs or were put on unpaid leave and are dealing with their own fears as well as their children’s. Most calls have been for support and emergency assistance.” Her office is preparing for the expected increase in calls asking for help in the divorce process when lockdowns end.
Pnina Omer, director of Yad LaIsha, which represents women seeking divorce in the rabbinic courts, says her organization expects a significant rise in divorce cases as people go back to work and women are more free to call. Naavah Shafner of Mavoi Satum, which represents women denied a divorce by their husbands, expects the same.
The halachic (Jewish legal) aspects of ending marriage are too complex to delve into here (for more information listen to Chochmat Nashim’s podcasts and deeper discussions). Yet, it is important to note that because there is no civil divorce in Israel, every Jewish woman must go through rabbinic courts to end her marriage. Only men can give a divorce, and while the rabbinic courts have tools they can use – halachic and civil – to help a woman trapped in marriage, proof of abuse is not necessarily considered a valid reason for divorce. Indeed, women like Sarah have been sent back to their abusers against their wishes.
The phenomenon of thousands of Jewish women around the world trapped in marriage, awaiting their husbands’ willingness to provide a get, is a new one. They are not classical agunot, whose husbands have disappeared in war or while traveling. These women are mesuravot get – women whose husbands simply refuse to set them free.
The world has changed for women, and financial freedom means that being in a bad marriage is no longer preferable to being in no marriage. Yet, women are left trapped when the courts abet the abusers who keep them chained, refusing to use the tools at their disposal.
Let us be clear:
Denying someone her freedom is abuse. Anyone enabling that denial is a party to that abuse.
In addition to halachic tools, the state rabbinic courts have civil tools they can use to incentivize a man to release his wife. Invalidating a driver’s license, jail time, and shaming are all tools within their state-sanctioned toolbox – but most often, they lie unused beside the halachically oriented ones.
That is why when Shira, the woman whose husband all but killed her five months ago, received her get on Tuesday, February 10th, it was cause for celebration. There are others, women who have been nearly killed or abused for years, whose husbands are in jail for violence, and yet have not been ordered by the rabbinic court to divorce their wives.
The head judge in Shira’s case, Rabbi Edry, threatened to bring her husband in for daily hearings and throw him into solitary confinement (note that he is already in jail for her attempted murder). There is little doubt that the public’s interest in the case intensified the court’s willingness to use sanctions, and lit the fire under it to find a solution and get off the public’s radar. News that the woman who was nearly beaten to death could not get a divorce from her would-be murderer was, of course, everywhere – as were calls for the rabbis to take action to protect this woman.
The public saved Shira twice, first, when her neighbor heard her cries for help, and then when her story captured the nation’s outrage.
But Sarah has no champion. She sits and waits. 30 years after leaving her abuser, she is still chained to him in marriage. The rabbinic court has acceded to his every whim and request for reconciliation. And now, they’ve accepted his condition for her freedom. She must pay him the million shekels she won in family court that went to support their children over the past 30 years.
Jewish women routinely pay or surrender their rights for their freedom. Women give up child support, property, and even the right to charge their husbands with rape and assault – all with the approval of the state rabbinic courts.
Here, in the Jewish state, where Jews are supposed to be safe, Jewish women are not protected.
How can we work towards change?
Here are three things you can do today.
1 — Sign a halachic prenup. If you are already married, sign a post-nup. While there are different versions (listen here for more information), signing one can save your freedom. If you are a rabbi — don’t marry anyone without a halachic prenup. Want to host a pre/postnup party? Be in touch!
2 — Email your rabbi and shul board. Ask them to make prenups a part of the yearly programming. Ask them to speak about it, make it a normal part of communal life, and make your community prenup positive. It is impossible to know how many women you could be saving.
3 — Attend political parlor meetings. If you live in Israel, elections are coming! Ask party representatives what they plan to do to protect women. Ask them about implementing the budget and making halachic prenups a part of state marriages. Insist that they make women’s freedom and safety a priority.
Does a woman need to nearly die to earn her freedom in the Jewish state?
To live up to our values- Jewish and democratic – the answer must be,“NO!”
What does one wear to the world’s first women’s Siyum HaShas event?
The question I posed on social media was a joke, a play on the idea of worrying about surface appearances at any event celebrating women’s achievements. But it also wasn’t a joke. What does one wear to the first major celebration of women’s achievements in Talmud learning, a “before and after” moment that will affect our community for ages to come?
A Siyum HaShas celebrates the conclusion of a cycle of Daf Yomi — literally a daily page — of Talmud, which was instituted in 1923 by Rabbi Meir Shapiro of Lublin and brings lomdim (those who study) through the entire Talmud in 7 years and 5 months.
It is true that completing a page of Talmud a day does not a Torah scholar make. And it is true that we are blessed with female Torah scholars whose knowledge of the Talmud, halacha and other areas of Jewish learning is deep and well beyond a daf a day. Yet, Daf Yomi and the Siyum HaShas has always been nearly an exclusively male experience. An event in Jerusalem marking women’s completion en masse is simply unprecedented.
In response to my question of what to wear, one person responded: Not a wig!
But in fact, as we stood in line with hundreds of other women (and some men) in the frigid Jerusalem air on Sunday, we saw wigs, falls, hats, scarves, berets and some with no head coverings at all. The event didn’t belong to any one segment or denomination of women — it belonged to us all.
Through chattering teeth, women discussed things they had cancelled, ignored or asked their husbands to deal with so that they could attend the event. The atmosphere among the attendees was one of excitement and anticipation; we were taking part in a seminal event for women and the entire Jewish community.
As an activist for women in Orthodoxy, I’m often witness to where women are excluded, sidelined and shut out. I know women harmed by the system, treated horribly by those meant to aid them, and I regularly see women erased. Being here, where women carved a space for themselves, created a platform and taught and learned Talmud, was perhaps more gratifying to me than most. Here, I was seeing the future, the way things could be, the way things should be.
Women well into their eighties joined babies, teenagers and over 1,100 midrasha (gap year yeshivot for young women) students who were there to witness their teachers and friends celebrate their achievements. About 150 men joined as well, knowing that learning Torah is always something to celebrate.
When Rabbanit Michelle Farber, who has taught a daily Daf Yomi class for women for the past 7-plus years, took the stage, a roaring standing ovation filled the hall. Farber had done something no other woman in history had done, and with her, she brought thousands upon thousands of women and men across the Jewish world along for the ride.
Every female scholar that took the stage or was shown in a video clip was met with cheering generally reserved for rock stars, mainly led by the hundreds of teenagers in the balcony.
Tears fell from my eyes as I realized that far from screaming for Justin Bieber, these young women were cheering in awe off their female role models — the women who taught them that the Torah is theirs and that they can achieve, embrace and own Torah scholarship.
Rabbanit Esti Rosenberg began her remarks by thanking her father, Rav Aharon Lichtenstein, of blessed memory, and her grandfather Rabbi Joseph B. Solovetchik, of blessed memory, for opening the doors for women’s learning.
“When my father and grandfather opened up Torah to women, I don’t think it was so much because of what they thought about women, but about what they thought about Torah. They couldn’t imagine life without it.”
The lone man to take the stage was Rav Benny Lau, and Rabbi Lord Jonathan Sacks sent in a video of congratulations. The rest of the evening featured a veritable who’s who of female Torah scholars, and each was greeted with thunderous cheers and applause.
While celebrating, there was no talk of equality, status, leadership or titles. The featured speakers didn’t talk about leadership — they modeled it. Every speaker was impressive, each one a role model.
When I congratulated Rabbanit Farber, I asked her if she understood that she has changed the world for women and girls in Torah learning. She told me that it hadn’t sunk in yet.
Perhaps from her view on stage, she couldn’t see the reactions of the audience, the tears in the eyes of the women who for so long had felt so left out. Perhaps she couldn’t distinguish the younger girls cheering for each scholar among the roars of the audience. And clearly, she couldn’t see our hearts bursting with pride. I hope that she reads the posts, the articles and the messages that have flooded social media.
From them, it’s clear to see that the event showed the world that women’s scholarship is real and adds immensely to the Jewish world.
As we left the hall, the young women streamed down from the balcony into the stairwell and broke out into spontaneous singing and dancing on the landing. They danced for Torah, they danced for the women who achieved and they danced for themselves — for the bright and open future they now face.
As more and more women master Torah and halacha, the problems we face will be addressed differently. For while learning Torah should always be about learning Torah, it must also be about improving our community.
What should one wear to the women’s Siyum HaShas? The crown of Torah, of course.
https://blogs.timesofisrael.com/breast-cancer-behind-the-mechitza/
הרב פנחס גולדשמידט מכיר מקרוב את סבלן של נשים עגונות. שלוש מקרובות משפחתו, ביניהן אחת ניצולת שואה נכבלו לנישואיהן מבלי יכולת לצאת לחופשי ולפתוח בפרק חדש בחיים. במשך 29 שנות כהונתו כרב הראשי של מוסקבה ואב בית הדין בעיר, הוא נפגש לצערו עם רבות נוספות. אולם כעת, על רקע חוק חדש שנחקק בישראל, בין היתר ביוזמתו, הוא מאמין שהמצב עתיד להשתפר.
“לאורך שנותיי בבית הדין”, הוא סיפר, “ראיתי את סבלן והרס חייהן של עגונות. כיוון שגירושין הינם תופעה שכיחה בימינו, נשים רבות נשארות עגונות”. לשיטתו, “אפילו עגונה אחת היא אחת יותר מדי, לכן כשמוניתי לנשיא הועידה של רבני אירופה החלטתי לעשות משהו בנידון”.
הרב גולדשמידט יזם חוק בשיתוף חברת הכנסת עליזה לביא מיש עתיד, שיאפשר גם לנשים מסורבות גט בתפוצות לפנות לבית הדין הישראלי לשם קבלת סיוע. עד כניסת החוק לתוקף, לא הייתה לבתי הדין הרבניים בעולם סמכות לקנוס ולהטיל סנקציות על סרבן גט. כך שקל יותר היה לגבר בחו”ל לסרב לתת גט לאשתו ולהותירה עגונה.
בארץ, לעומת זאת, לבתי הדין ישי יכולת אכיפה מוגברת וכתוצאה מכך הם רשאים להטיל על הסרבן סנקציות שונות, איסור יציאה מהארץ, שלילת רישיון נהיגה ואף צו מעצר ועונש מאסר בפועל. חוק זה יעניק לבתי הדין הישראלים סמכות שיפוטית על גירושין דתיים של בני זוג, על אף שאינם מתגוררים בארץ ואינם נחשבים אזרחי ישראל.
בישראל יש הרואים בבתי הדין הרבניים גוף בעל כוח מופרז, שעל אף סמכויותיו אינו פועל לשחרור עגונות. לכן הם גם לא ראו בעין יפה את הצעת חוק שהרחיבה אף יותר את הסמכות השיפוטית של בתי הדין. “יש בלבול רב סביב החוק הזה,” אמר הרב גולדשמידט. “החוק נועד לעזור לנשים. הוא לא עוזר לגברים. החוק מיושם אך ורק במקרים בהם אישה מבקשת מהרבנות הישראלית להתערב, אחרת הוא אינו מיושם”. החוק מאפשר לנשים יהודיות מסורבות גט, שאינן ישראליות, לפנות לבית הדין הישראלי ולבקש שיוסיפו את בעליהן לרשימת הסרבנים שיש לאסור אותם בעת כניסתם לארץ עד שיסכימו להגיע לבית הדין ולסיים את הליך הגירושין בגט המיוחל.
אתה לא חושש שמא אותן נשים, או ילדיהן, יתווספו לרשימה השחורה הנודעת לשמצה של ממזרים ונשים שאינן יכולות להינשא?
“אני לא מכיר את הרשימה”, השיב הרב אך ציין כי “לקהילות רבות יש רשימות של מי שאינן יכולות להינשא לכהן וכדומה. עם זאת, החוק מציין מפורשות שבית הדין הינו בעל סמכות שיפוטית אך ורק בענייני גירושין ולא בענייני ילדים, תמיכה בילדים/מזונות ונכסים. אך ורק בענייני גט”.
“חשוב לי להסביר. החוק אפילו לא נועד ליישום בישראל. לפני החוק, כאב בית הדין, הייתי מזמן גבר ומנסה לשכנע אותו להגיע לבית הדין על מנת לתת גט. הוא כבר היה נשוי, עם ילדים חדשים וחיים חדשים, והוא לא היה עונה לשיחות הטלפון שלי. מעתה והלאה אוכל לומר, ידידי היקר, אם לא תגיע לתת לאשתך גט, ישראל תהיה סגורה בפניך. ברגע שתכנס לארץ, יאסרו אותך. כל יהודי אירופאי חושב שיום אחד יתכן ויצטרך לברוח לארץ. כמעט לכל יהודי אירופאי יש הורים או אחים בישראל. ב-95% מהמקרים האיום יעשה את העבודה , ויגרום לסרבנים לתת גט
במילים אחרות, החוק נועד להרתיע?
“החוק מבוסס על ההנחה שכל יהודי אירופאי רוצה גישה לישראל, ומניעת כניסתם לארץ תכריח אותם להפסיק לשחק משחקים עם נשותיהן הראשונות ולהעניק להן גט”.
והחוק הזה ישנה את דעתם?
“הוא כבר שינה את דעתם. בחודשיים האחרונים בבית הדין במוסקבה הצלחנו לשכנע שני בעלים שסירבו במשך שנים לשחרר את נשותיהם ולהעניק להן גט, אך ורק על סמך האיום שהחוק יעבור ויתכן וייאסרו בביקור הבא שלהם בארץ. באחד המקרים הבעל סירב להעניק לאשתו גט במשך שבע שנים. הוא חי עם אישה חדשה וילדים ולא היה אכפת לו מאשתו הראשונה. במקרה השני היו לבעל קובלנות בעניינים חומריים, בגינן סירב להעניק לאשתו גט במשך למעלה משנה”.
כמה נשים מסורבות גט אתה מכיר שהחוק יוכל לסייע להן?
עשרות”, הוא השיב בפשטות”
על פי הרב גולדשמידט, בעוד החוק לא יהווה גורם מרתיע עבור יהודים אמריקאים, כיוון שישראל אינה נתפסת בעיניהם כמקלט פוטנציאלי, הוא בהחלט משנה את חוקי המשחק עבור עגונות אירופאיות, “90% מהחופות באירופה נערכים על ידי רבנים אורתודוכסיים. המציאות בארה”ב שונה. בארה”ב אולי 15-20% מטקסי הנישואין הם אורתודוכסיים ועבורם, בניגוד לאירופאים, איסור כניסה לישראל פחות משמעותי”.
“אצלנו, ב-99% מהמקרים [של סירוב גט] מדובר בבעלים שמסרבים להופיע בפני בית הדין. בדרך כלל מדובר בבעל חילוני שכבר הקים משפחה חדשה (יהודית או, לעיתים קרובות, לא יהודית) ופשוט לא רוצה להגיע לתת גט. האיום הזה יאלץ אותו להגיע לבית הדין, לסגור עניינים לא פתורים ולתת את הגט. או שהוא יופיע ויתמודד עם זה, או שתיאסר עליו כניסה חופשית לישראל”.
על פניו תמוה ששיעור גדול כל כך של זוגות לא דתיים מתחתנים בנישואין אורתודוכסיים, במיוחד לאור התופעה הבעייתית של סירובי גט, שבגינה החוק הנ”ל רלוונטי. אם כן, מדוע לא לערוך חופה שניתן לערער עליה במקרה של גירושין, להגמיש את הנוקשות של נישואין יהודיים, ולשחרר אישה בהליך גירושין מכבלי בעלה? לכל הפחות, מדוע בית הדין אינו מנסה לבטל נישואין או לעשות שימוש בהסכמי קדם-נישואין?
לדבריו של הרב גולדשמידט “זוהי שאלה מוסרית ממעלה ראשונה שנידונה בקרב הגופים הרבניים שלנו. באופן כללי חברי הקהילות שלנו מעוניינים בנישואין כדת משה וישראל, על אף שאינם שומרי הלכה ברמה האישית. איננו נוקטים בצעדים אקטיביים על מנת לשכנע זוגות שאינם שומרי הלכה לערוך חופה. אינני חושב שהסכם קדם-נישואים יהווה פתרון בכל המדינות”.
עד ליום שבו בתי הדין יחליטו לערוך שינויים במדינות שלהם, הרב גולדשמידט רואה בחוק מענה עבור רוב הנשים. בין כה וכה החוק יכנס לתוקף לשלוש שנים. לאחר מכן הוא יבחן מחדש ויהיה נתון לשינויים. בתי הדין הרבניים ימלאו דו”ח שנתי שיפרט את מספר המקרים שהושפעו מהחוק החדש
Originaly published in Kipa
